I agree with Penis Breath, err, Wally that it has been “waaaaaaaaay too long” since we members have made a post. I think we should change that. I also think I should change my underwear since I just shit myself.

I guess we’ve lost the fire for this dumb ass blog. Or maybe life has just gotten in the way. Ya know, babies, mortgages, penis enlargement surgery, um, I mean, uh, ………other stuff.

Shall we see if we can rekindle the old flame dear Team Toilet?

Go to the light my friends, go to the light!

“Sing the song boys! Sing the song!”

(whoever can pick out that quote gets a free pack of gum)

Stay shitty,
Monk

Been waaaaaaaaaay too long since we’ve posted but this one will have to be short and sweet. First day back after a long weekend, the four-day variety. It’s bad enough it’s a monday. It’s worse that I’m coming off of four days off. But I get my coffee this morning and the girl fucked it up. There is NO worse way to start your day in my opinion. I could wake up with one testicle swollen to the size of a watermelon and it wouldn’t be as bad as having my coffee fucked up. Then on the drive in, some bitch leans on her horn and gives me the no-look bird flip on the highway because I am trying to change lanes and none of the assholes in the next lane would let me in. If I hadn’t been getting off, I probably would have chased her down and driven her off the road, and I am only partially kidding about that. To top it all off, there are roughly 356 jack hammers working directly beneath the window of my office and the windows are apparently made of plastic wrap. There is literally no dulling of the sound whatsoever. The confluence of events this morning has me teetering on the edge of a three state killing spree.

HAPPY MONDAY FUCKERS!!!!

NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE JUICE IN THE CAN!

Canned Juice

The moron, scumbag and psychopath OJ Simpson was just found guilty on all 12 counts stemming from his sports memorabilia heist in a Vegas hotel room.

Bye bye OJ, you piece of shit. I hope you get life - and a cell mate bigger and younger than you that wants some man love.

Shithead.

HERE WE GO RED SOX, HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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So I am in Dunkin Donuts this afternoon getting myself an ice coffee, you know to help me get through the afternoon sales drive at Plasteces Inc. when the guy behind me in line steps up and says “Yeah, can I get a cup of coffee?”… and that’s it. No size, no hot/cold, no flavor, no sugar, no milk, no sweet n’ low, not “with honey”, nothing.

Now, turns out this guy just wanted a medium black coffee, but, I mean does he think he is in an old school diner? Has he never been in a Dunkin Donuts before? Seriously? Cause there’s one like every 500 feet around here.

I mean trust me, I fully believe that the length of time it takes you to order a coffee is in direct proportion with how much of a douchebag you are. So when you get your half-caf, half-decaf, vente, prima latte, with all natural non-dairy creamer and one and a half splendas, oh boy, you are some kind of a douchebag. So clearly, this guy was not a douchebag. He is a straight shooter. BUt you wonder, is he like this in other facets of his life? Does he go to Burger King and ask for food? Perhaps he goes into the barber shop and says “Can you cut my hair?” He probably tells his doctor, “I don’t feel good”.

It was actually pretty hilarious and to see the look on the guy behind the counter’s face, it was priceless. If the guy said that to me I would be like, “What the fuck do you want from me? I sell plastic for christ’s sake! You want a cup to put your coffee in, I can make that happen. But you will need to go somewhere else for the actual coffee”, then I would kick him in the nuts. But if I was working at Double D and he said that, I would be like “Ah, we sell like twelve different variaties of coffee in different sizes with different options to be added into said coffee. Could you maybe like, narrow it down for me?”

Clearly, specificity is not this guy’s strong suit.